Thanks for the Memories, Storytelling & Health

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In the last years of her father Walter’s life, Patty Mester drove every weekend the 80 miles from Duluth to Grand Rapids so that they could sit together for hours in a back bedroom filled with photos, news clippings and other family documents. Patty wanted to organize four albums – one for each of her three siblings and one for her dad.

As they poured over photos, deeds to homes, her grandfather’s discharge papers from World War I, her father’s papers for entering the service in World War II, Walter told and retold stories to his daughter.

His mother, Millie, had passed many of these photos and papers to him, and now he was gifting the next generation with his oral history. Walter knew his memory was fading, as his mother’s had, and he feared losing these stories. Walter suffered from a brain tumor and advancing dementia, so the process was painstaking, but slowly Patty committed to her memory the special moments of Walter’s life.

“He told me the stories so many times,” says Patty. “Then, as he was losing his memory, I would tell him the stories. He would say, ‘Oh, that’s right.’”

Hearing those familiar moments spoken out loud and remembering them calmed him, she says, “because he wasn’t losing anything; it was being brought back to him.” All the while, Walter was giving something to Patty, too – memories that she could cherish.

Mostly he talked about how lucky his life had been: Lucky to get his first pair of new shoes as a Christmas gift when he was 9; lucky to travel the world as an enlisted serviceman, cruising through the Panama Canal; and lucky when he returned to Minnesota and saw a beautiful coat-check girl in a restaurant on New Year’s Eve. He kissed her, asked her name and called her the next day. He walked the 7 miles from his home to meet with her, the young woman who would become Patty’s mother.

There were so many stories that after Walter died, Patty, the general manager at WDSE-WIRT TV, is writing a family memoir.

Without really knowing it, Patty and Walter were engaging in a wellness practice encouraged for the elderly.

In our Lake Superior neighborhood, assisted-living facilities, care workers and families use storytelling – factual and fictional – as a mental health tool to help elders maintain mental clarity and positive attitudes.

Storytelling, so it seems, is in our human DNA, and researchers have documented the positive effects that storytelling has on those experiencing cognitive difficulties through disease or aging. A University of Missouri study showed that creative storytelling, with its social interactions and exercising of verbal dialogue, improved the communication skills of people suffering dementia. It also made them happier, helping to counter feelings of isolation and depression.

In Wisconsin, a Milwaukee-based organization pairs questions with photos from places like Split Rock Lighthouse and the Hayward Fishing Hall of Fame to spark conversations. Under an image of Split Rock Lighthouse, for example, queries including “Have you visited a lighthouse?” and “Lighthouses warn people of danger. What/who is your lighthouse?” Wisconsin Sea Grant contributed images and prompt ideas for the guide.

This Wisconsin Creative Care Guide, created by TimeSlips, is being used in 50 skilled nursing homes across Wisconsin, as well as in other facilities and family homes around the world, to inspire the telling of stories.

In workshop sessions, a caregiver trained in TimeSlips methodology uses the guide’s images and prompts to inspire storytelling among elders. The stories could be factual memories or fictional tales or a combination.

In our area, water is especially useful for stimulating stories, says Angela Fingard, Wisconsin Creative Care Guide master trainer and project manager. “Water is a huge part of life – going to summer camp, cottages with family, fishing and ice fishing. It’s a wonderful way to not only pull memories and create fun stories, but also create a theme overall of the stories that come from Wisconsin.”

The facilitators work at the participants’ levels of ability, Angela says. “Some people aren’t verbal anymore. We use gestures and sounds to cooperate with storytelling.”

The importance of the storytelling process is two-fold, adds Angela. While creating a story, the elder and the caregiver are “in the moment,” so to speak. The process gives a relaxing break from the regular business of a care facility, for example, like adhering to the medication or meal schedule. Storytelling also builds trust. Because of the story sessions, elders become more comfortable with their caregiver. The process also gives elders a sense of purpose while sharing their stories.

The stories can be shared many ways, Angela says. Sometimes they are posted in the assisted-living facility, published in local newsletters or performed in a public reading or even a full-length play.

“It’s put on paper, and they can see their words creating something to make people laugh or pause or think or shed a tear,” Angela says. “Or if someone can’t hold the memory – at least someone can read it and say, ‘That’s what my mom wrote,’ ‘That’s what my dad wrote.’”

Finding the right techniques to inspire each individual’s stories is key at Gardenview Assisted Living and Memory Care in Calumet, Michigan.

Staff members use different approaches based on the individual elder’s needs, says Maggie Seppala, executive director. Staff may meet one-on-one with a resident and use props and activities to inspire storytelling. A resident who lived on a farm, for example, will work on a farm puzzle with a caregiver.

“Not only are we having them use their motor skills by working on the puzzle, a staff member can ask them to recall events that happened on that farm,” explains Maggie.

In Duluth, residents at the Mount Royal Pines III assisted living facility are encouraged to tell their own stories during coffee time and book lovers group. I’ve taught memoir-writing workshops there and found that the oral and written personal stories create a sense of community and happiness. They love listening to each other’s stories and felt closer because they shared past experiences.

“We ask questions relating to their lives, younger years, schooling,” says Activities Director Mary Lee. “We also occasionally have show-and-tell time where they bring their treasured items to display and discuss their talents and hobbies, which is very popular. Once you get them together, the stories just flow.”

The Atkins-Northland Funeral Home and Cremation Service in Cloquet, Minnesota, is taking an innovative approach to inspire storytelling by distributing “Talk of a Lifetime” cards, a campaign of the  Funeral and Memorial Information Council. This deck of cards includes 50 questions to get generations talking. Questions like “Tell me three words that you feel best describe you,” “Did your heritage play a role in your upbringing? How so?” and “Is there a story friends and family always tell about you?” engage people to start talking and listening and know each other in a new way.

It helps build a lasting legacy among generations, something funeral home director Bob Atkins wished had happened more in his family and one reason he distributes the cards.

“As young kids, we never sat and talked with our parents or grandparents and heard what their lives were like. After my dad had an accident, I cared for him and found out things about him that we had never known – that was priceless information.”

Anyone interested in the cards can call the funeral home to stop by and pick up a deck or visit the Talk of a Lifetime website for additional resources to start conversations in your family.

Whether it’s asking questions over coffee, going through an old box of photos or writing stories in a workshop, storytelling can be a blessing for the teller and the listener. It also can help to keep elders sharp and engaged.

As I’ve found teaching memoir writing, the depth of a person’s lifetime is always waiting just beneath the surface. The emotional connection of personal stories encourage us to get to know each other in new ways – even

if we’ve already known each other

for a lifetime.

Resources

Find downloadable resources, workbooks, tips or locate local funeral homes participating with Talk of a Lifetime and its talking deck (seen above) at www.talkofalifetime.org.

TimeSlips resources for family members and caregivers are found at www.timeslips.org.

Felicia Schneiderhan has written a memoir: Newlyweds Afloat: Married Bliss and Mechanical Breakdowns While Living Aboard a Trawler.